Keeping on

Good morning to the Goat House followers,

I awoke a couple hours ago in a semi-trance, tuning into the steady tap of rain on the metal roof in the loft. December rain could not be more depressing, but there is this one delightful perk.

As the year draws steadily toward a close, there are many reflections to make. Since the high season for airbnb has passed, I’ve been having a very difficult time. The reverberations of societal discord have been pounding in my ears. Lots of fear has welled up about my ability to sustain myself solely through a hode-podge of hosting, freelance editing, pet-sitting, and other random odds and ends. Self-esteem has wavered in the face of countless homeowner tasks which I feel incompetent to complete single-handed.

Being thrust back into a situation where I need to accrue income to sustain myself has also thrust me headlong back into societal disillusionment, which money can quell, for a time. I suppose if you have enough capital, then you can, theoretically, live disillusionment free — if you keep well enough inside your privilege bubble. Even if you step outside of it, fighting doesn’t have the same urgency when you have a warm pillow to lay your head on at night. I have always been fortunate enough to have that privilege, but I fear as a whole, this might be more unfortunate that we’ve been so physically coddled by the system that is making us emotionally ill.

In the face of extreme self-doubt, there is only one course of action: persist, as best as possible. Try anything. I’ve been hiking with the goats, taking photos of the beauty of urban decay, exercising, attending ecstatic dance, and I’ll sign up for another Improv class through the Blue Door this winter. That really kept me somewhat sane, last year.

Guests help immensely. They inject a needed dose of diversity into the mundane daily life, sharing personal perspectives that remind me of hope, joy, the struggles, and the triumphs of others. This week, I led a goat hike with two female friends. They had met while one of them was walking her dog, “Muchacho,” on the centennial trail. The other woman had just moved to town, and they bonded that day and exchanged numbers. 

The woman who had moved to Spokane experienced a back injury 2 years ago that completely altered her lifestyle. She was an avid outdoorswoman, summiting peaks and backpacking regularly. When she got injured, she had to sell her rural home in beautiful Wenatchee, and move to Spokane to be closer to medical care. She said this was the hardest thing she’d ever done in her life. I felt that so deeply, because more than anything, I would love to live that life that she’d had, and I couldn’t imagine attaining it — only to have it stripped away. 

The other woman, the owner of “Muchacho,” had booked the goat hike as a surprise for her friend. It was so nice to be a witness to this sweet friendship. We talked all the way through the hike, and the women left me a wonderful review. We exchanged numbers, and we plan to keep in touch, as they are local! 

For those others of you who are down and depressed, anxious, confused, afraid, and angry, disgusted, exhausted, hopeless…. I am your witness, and you aren’t alone. This world is scary and divisive, and it sometimes seems that it seeks only to rip apart our bonds and shatter our dreams. I can only say that goats, and kitties, help.

Always,

Tanya, John, David, Petunia, + Shop Kitty